Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Festive?



























Are you feeling Festive yet? When we were young we used to spend Christmas with my Grandparents in Lincolnshire at their house in the country. Perched on a hill, it looked down over the countryside to the fields and small churches below. My Grandparents always had a splendid tree, and we had wonderful traditional Christmases there. Then things changed, and we moved countries, and I never really felt IT the same way again. I strive to feel festive and "in the spirit", yet often feel a bit melancholy at Christmas. When my kids were young, that was minimized by their excitement and my full out efforts at a home made Christmas. Baking for weeks, decorating the house, heading out to cut down trees, tearing through the shops to find the perfect gifts, cooking and entertaining and gorgeous table settings. We did it all. I've had wonderful Christmases and Christmases filled with sadness and troubles. It's the Yin and Yang of life. Filled with ups and downs, joys and sadness, Christmas is never guaranteed to be the same twice.

Last year was my first year away from my extended family and not hosting dinner. It ended a year of extravagance and celebration. We traveled to wonderful places, our son was married in the Bahamas, followed by an amazing party in Montreal. We bought a Florida house and generally everyone was well and enjoying life.

Fast forward to this year and the air has deflated somewhat from the balloon. Despite the joyous news that we are expecting our first Grandchild, there has been much stress and sadness surrounding us and those we love. My Mother in Law had a major health crisis and landed in a nursing home, Father in Law left to cope with the loneliness and life altering experience of living alone after 60 years of marriage. My Sweet Mama was very ill and had major surgery, something traumatic for someone as fragile as she is, my daughter in law lost her beloved Grandpa, we lost our friend Ed to Asbestos related cancer, our good neighbor is gravely ill. I discovered how very much I love my Daughter in Law as she goes through a very serious illness with her own mother. I feel her pain and her worry, and in turn I worry about her and her baby and I wish she could feel the pure joy of the pregnancy without the sadness and worry she has had this year. My nephew is reeling from the death of his friend to suicide, and my thoughts and concerns extend to him this year too. Our year has been punctuated with happy times and good things also, but the weight of the worries has shadowed them.

I think I have had my last Christmas with the entire family here in my house. My son will start his traditions next year of waking up in his own home with his wife and baby on Christmas morning, and my daughter will also find new ways to celebrate. But I am ready for change. I know each year will bring something new and I will embrace that. My kids will start their own traditions and ours will change and expand and grow as our family does. 

This year my son really needs to be with his wife, and she needs to be with her mother in New Jersey along with her grandmother and sisters. Girl Child can't imagine Christmas without her brother, and I feel a need to be near my kids, and my brother and his boys who live in New Jersey. Despite being torn about not having Christmas with my sister and mother, we are heading to NJ to be with my brother's family and daughter-in-laws family. I want my son and his wife to give everything they have to her family, because they need that this year. I want to be able to hug her mother and share a glass of wine with my DIL, her mother, sisters and her Grandmother. I want to hug my nephew tight and let him know he has a great big support network to love him. 

So we are drifting this year. And none of us are involved in the usual planning. We've barely decorated, and given no thoughts to gifts. Because the only thing we really want this year is to be together. It's the people that are priority, and family supporting those that need it. And when the love replaces the "stuff" of Christmas, you know it's going to be good and emotional and fulfilling and just what we all need this year.

19 comments:

  1. How very kind and selfless of you. Your DIL is very blessed to have a MIL like you! I have a wonderful, selfless MIL like that and, being that this marriage is the second time around for me, I never take her granted!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes family is the best gift to us all!!! Life is too short after all.

    ReplyDelete
  3. A beautiful post Chania. Family (inc friends) is what matters, I'd be happy to forgo all that gift giving hoohaa too. You will have a lovely time. I know how you feel though, it's always a bit challenging when traditions change.
    x

    ReplyDelete
  4. I felt every word of your post and cheered your decisions about your Christmas plans.

    You have a big heart. remember to take care of you too.

    xo Jane

    ReplyDelete
  5. The true meaning of "gift" . . . being with one another . . .

    ReplyDelete
  6. I feel your grief and worry. I am very melancholoy this year myself. I looked to my blogs to cheer me up but I see sadness everywhere. I will say prayers for you and those that share in this same feeling. Looking for Hope, Peace and most of all...Love.~Ames

    ReplyDelete
  7. It sounds as if it will be a quietly beautiful Christmas, the value of which a store bought gift could never equal. Sending you lots of love and support this Christmas and hoping you all find the peace and even a little joy in the time you spend together as families blending and sharing what matters most. <3

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hello Chania,
    What a touching post. Such a hard call to please everyone, but I hope you have a very special time this year. A family dinner with your mother and sister before or after will be a beautiful thing too, our mum's get we have to make difficult choices like they did once and like you are doing now.
    Best wishes Ivan

    ReplyDelete
  9. The true meaning of Christmas.....the giving of yourself! How much more blessed could your family be. Sister can be with Mom so you can be where you need to be.

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's horrible how things change from year to year. Two years ago we went through similar things and then last year was great with the birth of my grandson. You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  11. thank you for the reminder, what the season is truly about...

    ReplyDelete
  12. May the stresses of your life fall aside for a few moments at Christmas. For me there is something magical in a midnight carol service. But it sounds as if you have your priorities perfectly straight: People, not stuff.

    DeeDee
    www.KidNeedsAKidney.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. What a moving post Chania. Christmas does bring forth a lot of memories and emotions....good and not so good. You are correct in saying that being with those you love is so important and the real reason to celebrate.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I love how you do not think of yourself but always others first. Your family is blessed to have you. Since our family has shrunk we started a new tradition of inviting friends and neighbors over for brunch last year. It was relaxed and fun.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This made my throat get a bit tight as I can so relate to many of the things you have mentioned. Being together is the greatest gift of all and your love and support will be so appreciated. This time of year is always full of a mix of emotions for me personally and I am glad we will have a downsized Christmas in our new home - with our kids and DIL. May all those in your life who are experiencing difficulties and challenges feel some respite as you all gather and celebrate together. Ann

    ReplyDelete
  16. So much at one time ! I agree with the others, your family is blessed to have you. . as I am sure you know how blessed you are to have them.
    Wishing you all peace and comfort and love.
    We will be here, just the 2 of us, waiting until time to go home ..besos, C

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think this sounds just about as 'perfect' a Christmas as one can have. Doing all the right things for all the right reasons. Yes, we must change because Life is a moving target. We too are on the road this Christmas, going where we need to be to embrace the ones we need to be with, and leaving others, just as important behind this year. I wish you the most loving of Christmases Chania.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Some years are most definitely like that. I'm glad both your DIL's family and your brother live in NJ (what a coincidence) so you are able to make the trip and be with both sets of families. It isn't going to be a 'typical' Christmas, but being with family is what is most important anyway. YOu are a kind and generous person to be caring for so many this year.

    ReplyDelete

I love to read each and every comment and are thrilled that you take the time to send one. Thank you so much. Chania